The Return

Posted on by jomotherdearest

Screen Shot 2018-10-19 at 14.41.02

 

The Return

It’s been a long old time since my last blog and I have to say although I have thought from time to time about writing I just couldn’t get going.  It’s been a tough few months as my Mom was diagnosed with cancer.  Don’t get me wrong there have been good times  too but there has been an underlying worry and family pain which although is not always shown, was always felt.  And it is only now that I feel like I can talk on here.  It’s been a while, I have just looked back at my previous posts and it would seem that I am an October to January/February writer and it has been the same since 2015.

I wonder whether it is post birthday reflection that kicks in my desire to ramble on or maybe in Spring and Summer I’m less digital?? Anyway here I am reflecting again.

Anyway, my poor Mum was diagnosed with cancer back in 2017.  She had to have to have surgery and chemo which really took its toll on her.   It obviously rocked the whole family and she suffered a terrible time.   Cancer has reared its ugly head too often with both Mum and Dad being diagnosed in the past and each time I always think it’s going to be OK, that they will recover and so far they have both endured terrible pain and suffering from it but have both braved through and recovered.  I don’t know whether it is the passage of time or my age that made this episode far worse than the breast cancer she had over 20 years ago.  She is the strong silent type my Mum.  She is not loud or opinionated, don’t get me wrong if you ask her she will have an opinion but she is not one to be vocal.  But in her quietness she has a presence, you don’t want to disappoint or upset her.  I seek her approval without ever asking and in all of my life events she is the one I need to be on my side, to give me comfort or to make me see reason.  I would say you would call her sound and grounded, she’s not overly emotional, is very level headed and logical.  So her being ill this time I just couldn’t handle, I have to say if I could have swapped places with her I honestly would have.  The was such a fragility to her this time, I suppose she is older and more vulnerable than before.  Anyway I struggled to handle it. I stopped doing my insta-stories because it felt wrong to be all jolly and stupid and for a long time it was sad and scary. Funny thing is my Mum likes my insta updates as she can see what I’m up to and tells me off if I’ve been drunk and daft!!

I can happily say that she is OK and is doing really well. Obviously there are lots of checks and scans to make sure everything remains OK and I guess it is always at the back of everyone’s mind. Although, I do have this superhuman skill of forgetting terrible times once they are over but thinking back now it was such a traumatic time.

Then, while we are talking lows my lovely friend had a terrible episode with her depression this year too. She too is very brave and lives with this dark depression in her life surfacing when you least expect it and dimming the light in her eyes. Mental health and depression is so common and my lovely mum in law suffers too as did my Handsome’s little brother who is no longer with us.   I think the latest statistics say 1 in 4 people suffer with mental health problems these days and I know it’s a struggle they live with day to day. I’m pleased to say that she got the help she needed and is back on top and has even felt happier than before at times.

These and other episodes obviously made me want to withdraw from social media and my daft Insta-stories stopped straight away but I think a respectful enough time has passed that I can get back into my blog and stories. And onwards and upwards we go.

Just before I dive back in I just wanted to say how proud I am of them and anyone else out there who suffer illness be it physical or mental you are legends!

Mind Traffic

Posted on by jomotherdearest

I’m feeling all over the place at the moment.

It’s like my mind is buzzing and running in all directions so much that I am losing focus. I am over loaded with so many different inspirations, aspirations and ambitions and I want to do everything all at once.

I desperately want to remember all that I have seen and all that I want to do, but at the same time can’t start anything because of the congestion in my thoughts. You know when you buy seeds and sow the whole packet and in a week or so you get loads of shoots, all healthy and all bursting with life but so many of them in one place that you know some will get lost or die off. *pauses to take in such a terrific analogy (ikr!)

Well that’s me right now and as much as it excites me to be so inspired it also upsets me that I’m so erratic about it. I can’t get a handle on it, freewheeling with the joy of exploring all sorts and doing nowt!

So my thoughts lately are –

Fashion – I want to be that blogger who shows the latest trends for the “late 40’s” working woman/mum. I love them! I follow so many on instagram and I covert their styles, their experiences, their boldness. I have started to really try and put together my work outfits. Planning, mixing up my work capsule and trying out new styles….
For example – Pleats. Pleats, I haven’t worn pleats for yonks probably since my very first job after college but have got some long pleated skirts and I feel real dressy in them. I’m not even sure if they suit my body shape but I love them. Leading me into this pleat euphoria is that famous Holly Willoughby on Instagram! Stop posting your outfits woman, I have no budget for this!!

or

Interiors – Where to start there are a million people out there painting their furniture and houses in subtle hues of grey and white, just beautiful. New kitchens, bathrooms, playrooms (nod to The Home That Made Me) filled with gorgeous accessories. Then there are the country cottage blogs and insta’s quaint, quirky and chintzy interiors they are just my cuppa tea. So yeah go me, get cracking on the home makeover. But self sabotage kicks in. I bought a plant stand and tv table along with some Annie Sloan paint (“Old White” fyi) to up cycle and although I am a good 2 coats in, it has taken me at least 3 weeks and they have been abandoned in the front room awaiting the shabby sandpaper and waxing…. I mean they say there are doers and there are dreamers! I am a starter but not finisher *sigh I bloody annoy myself! Tonight’s the night I will do it for sure. Also my kitchen is desperately in need of a lick of paint I mean desperate but on go the blinkers and it never gets done, serious cba!

Drawing – I think this comes from Fearne Cotton’s new book Happy, which is so gorgeous I love it and I love her pen drawings and talk of how relaxing the process is. Now I have never been able to draw and so I obviously did what I always do and googled – “can anyone learn to draw?” And yes apparently you can. There are techniques and it takes lots of practice but it can be done. So off I pop straight to the works to buy pencils, a sketchpad and “Drawing for Beginners” book. Of which I have read a few pages and then stacked neatly in my little basket next to my chair where it has remained ever since.

Health & Fitness – Now my twins are the in house experts on health, I mean how many 16 year olds off set any fast food they consume with immediate fruit intake or maybe run up and down stairs 20 times? They have control of what they eat, check nutritional values and portion sizes, it seriously blows my mind. So my health kick normally starts on a Monday, and yep I am on it today. Plenty of water, fruit, vegetables and talk of going to the gym. I properly mean it too and often announce to the office or at home, but then that is kind of a mistake. Because the next day when you are troughing that jam doughnut or bag of crisps you have on lookers who question your previous day’s proclamation! Damn! So best to keep anything thing like that under wraps. Although I am on Thursday (day 4) which is the longest run I have had in while with the healthy eating but don’t tell anyone.

Someone told me that if you do something for 3 weeks then you have cracked it and it becomes a habit, I can’t seem to manage 3 days!

I think I have found the root cause to all of my mind traffic, and that is the all-encompassing social media. I have become quite the instagram junkie and well snapchat is my go to method of communication. My bff are on a snap streak of 640 days and I can’t see that stopping anytime soon. Every spare moment I have I am catching up on these snapshots into various lives. I really enjoy it and although I agree that people only tend to show the best side of themselves and the good things going on in their lives I do quite like that. It is the life shop front isn’t it? It’s great and positive and happy. I am sure some people are open to criticism but what’s wrong with being proud of a lovely selfie or the delicious cocktail or meal that you are able to devour. It’s good to feel nice about yourself. Then there are the inspirational people and quotes, my Handsome feels quite nauseous when he reads some of the life quotes I show to him but I love them. The cheesy and the inspiring I love them equally. Conversely though, I guess I have to say, any feed with constant pouting, perfectly lit, perfectly taken selfies does bore me. There is a fine line between loving yourself and being in love with yourself if you know what I mean! But it’s social media, you just scroll by or unfollow.

I also use Instagram as a diary, I look back and it reminds me of the things I have done through out the year. I know you have the memories but I’m pretty sure others are like me and forget half of what goes on within a few months but photos spark the memory make you remember the good times or even the not so good times. They are trigger pictures and I even like to go right back on peoples feed to see what they posted back in the beginning. People fascinate me and I love to see their stories unfold.

But anyway yet again I digress, I am scrolling my way for hours and hours and am watching what so many people are doing but doing nothing myself. Robbing myself of the time that I could be doing most of the things I watch. I tell myself not to look social media for a day or half a day but rarely can achieve it. Maybe I am addicted I don’t know. Perhaps a ban is necessary?

*picks up phone and refreshes Insta…….

Temptation,Contemplation and Reflection

Image posted on by jomotherdearest

“Tions”      

Temptation,Contemplation and Reflection

It’s tricky to keep up to date with blogging and with “New Year New Me” resolutions a plenty I thought about committing to doing a blog a week.  Failed at that already….. indeed this post was started a week ago and only now finished! (tut) 

I have also tried to be punctual (I can hear the laughter ring out amongst my friends!).  But anyway I have these good intentions and I really mean it.  I want to be and do so many things.

I had a conversation with the first born the other day about “doing people”  you know “people who do”.  You know who they are.  I know some of these people, they say they are going to do something and they do it. 

It doesn’t have to be something life changing like home schooling a family then deciding to sell everything and explore the country in a camper van.   No, no, it could be small things like drink more water, go to bed earlier, no swearing.  All of which I have said I am going to do and all of which I seem to stop doing after a week or two.  So what is the key, what is their secret and how do I stand a chance of being like that.  I have entered a huge test of my willpower.  In our studio at work a few of us are giving up eating chocolate from 9th January until Easter.  Now if you know me you know I love chocolate….. no I mean I REALLY love chocolate.  And I love the idea of testing myself, one of the guys is going to give up booze too but that is just a step too far for me!!!  I think my problem will be forgetting that I have jacked it in, I can picture myself on autopilot and shovelling a wispa bar in not even thinking.  Well we shall see soon enough I will update on my progress and fingers crossed.

Anyway changing the subject entirely and clinging on to the Christmas and New Year break, it has to be said that I had one of the best times ever!   I probably say that every year as I seem to live in the moment and file previous amazing times for filtering and recollection when least expected.  However, I do remember a really pants time I had a couple of Christmas’s ago when I was really poorly.  That was a stand out bad time, having said that I managed to enjoy the key moments (such a trooper!).   

So this year it was the kids turn to be with their other parent, which is always rubbish because there is nothing like waking early with all of them opening gifts in their new Christmas pyjamas but we (Handsome and me) have been able to cope better year on year.  The kids just seem to roll with it no problem at all.  So Handsome headed off alone to help a local church to deliver meals to vulnerable, lonely and disadvantaged people.  He did it last year with all of the kids and it was such a great thing to do they are making it a new family tradition (proud me).  While he is off on his deliveries I prep the Christmas dinner which this year was a piece of cake as there were only my mom and dad and Handsome’s mum.  I was all over it!   Handsome picked them up and we began the merriment.  Champagne, turkey and veg a plenty.  Before we knew it the kids were all rocking up and on we went with more gift opening, smiles and music.  Just the best time ever.  The only think missing was my sister and her family…. She’s a nurse and had to work until 8pm, looking after the oldies bless her. 

Then we fell into that twixt and tween…. when you don’t know what day it is, what arrangements you have made, the rollercoaster of drunken gatherings and days in pjs recovering.  Again best time ever!   

This year we had a 10 day stretch from work!  Total bliss.

And then New Years Eve, don’t even get me started on NYE!  After last year committing to 3 different people that we would spend New Year with them and obviously cancelling on 2 of them (it was not nice) we decided to have a house party of our own so we could be with everyone.  The fave son was obviously off doing his thing with his mates as any 18 year old lad would.  He did however phone me  from the races, very tipsy and excitable to wish me Happy New Year.  It was a good few hours in advance of the midnight hour just in case he was in no fit state!  The thought was much appreciated.   

So having our home full with friends and family with music and laugher I felt a huge sense of happiness.  When the midnight hour struck and we crossed hands to auld lang syne and  I felt quite overwhelmed looking around at my circle.  I can’t remember the last time the oldies were with us.  It was almost the perfect moment, obvs would have been perfect had the boy been around, however knowing he was having a ball out with his friends i guess it was perfect.  A golden moment.

Bye 2016 lets see what 2017 has in store for us.

That’s Entertainment

Posted on by jomotherdearest

img_1980

 

As the year so far update continues, another big change in the family has been Handsome’s new job.  After a long and, I believe, successful career with his old company he has now moved to an entirely new industry.  Now in this industry socialising and “corporate entertainment” is big for business.  I mean BIG!   They appear to be up for all things sociable and although some people might run a mile at the thought of spending a day or night or even a long weekend with complete strangers fills them with dread it would appear that I quite enjoy it.

Handsome has been invited to many a doo with his last company but they tended to leave out partners – Although I have to big up the one event I was privileged to have been invited to which was Wimbledon 2015 and that was just a special day.  It was one of the best experiences of my life!  Having watched tennis for years on tv then to actually be there in centre court was amazing. So he (Handsome) tends to be a little less excited by the whole thing, he likes his own bed and home comforts and after 2 years working and staying all over Europe it is completely understandable.  He is a sociable person but a true home bird at heart.

So anyway this new company seem to like to include plus ones (Me!!) which is awesome!  I mean I love to get glammed up, I love a hotel stay and I love a doo so for me it’s a winner!   So far I have been to a launch event in Liverpool, a couple of horse races at Donnington and York and an amazing trip to Mallorca, lucky me!  These things are normally a fancy shmancy hotel over night, lots of free food and booze and a jolly ol’ time for everyone!  But there is a process and protocol which I am now getting into the swing of personally and it goes a little bit like this…

Pre Event Build Up

Obviously starts with “what shall I wear?”, OMG I have nothing to wear!  This is a whole new wardrobe requirement, so I need to shop obvs!   But what will everyone else wear? 

Question put to Handsome “What shall I wear?”

Reply “Something nice”

Me “Like what?”

Reply “Whatever you feel comfortable in, you always look nice”

Now lovely as that it, it is of no help to me!  There is no insight to the other women attending’s attire.  And yes I know it doesn’t really matter how they look but I want to look amazing and individual and classy and edgy and………… oh bloody hell what shall I wear? 

So where to go for inspiration?  The power of Instagram is my first port of call.

The first “function” was a Liverpool doo and from the invitation it seemed a bit hipster and edgy.   Overnight stay at the Beatles themed hotel (swanky) and a warehouse event so I’m thinking classy but modern. 

Where are Gok, Fearn, Trinny and Suzzanah when you need em!    I’m on my own on this. 

So I see an outfit on Instagram worn by Martine McCutcheon – off the shoulder (on trend), jump suit with wide leg (edgy?) in navy (classy).  All boxes ticked until the evening comes and bam…. why the hell did I not think about how I was going to have a wee before buying this jump suit. 

No wing man with me to unzip.  I don’t know a soul except Handsome and he can’t come to the ladies with me, I’m screwed!

You just don’t think about these things until you are in the moment!!  You have had too much fizz and not enough food, feeling good and loving life, swaying to the hipster tunes being spun by the funky young dj.  It’s all grand until you need to go!  And only then when you arrive in the ladies cubicle and realise you have no idea how on earth you are going to undo the hook and eye and then get the zip down at the back!  And once you are in there and you realise you are trapped in your outfit the urgency to go increases!  Now you are desperate!    Flipping Martine how did you cope woman!.

Anyway,  all was well, I managed to manoeuvre and got Handsome to fasten the hook and eye all stealth like on my return to the gathering.  Lesson learned for the future and moving forward…. all purchases will be based upon solo powder room trips.

So back on the entertainment front… There was then a trip Palma trip.  Now again not knowing anyone who was attending what do you pack for a long weekend in the sunshine?  In my case there is only one answer to that….

Take EVERYTHING!  It’s all about options.

Thinking back, I wonder whether the other attendees consider these occasions the same way as I do?  I wonder if they look around the room and think whatever was I worried about?  Once I am there everybody just does their thing, they wear what they like and act relaxed and comfortable in their own appearance.  It’s all OK and everyone has their own style and I relax and enjoy myself.

Handsome is right and if you are ever faced with the same crazy concerns, just be yourself, be comfortable, be you!   There will always be someone more dressed up/more casual/ more expensively dressed than you but who cares after a few too many bottles of fizz and not enough food.  As long as you are not the crazy drunk lady who falls over it’s all gravy!!  😉

So it’s the races this weekend…….”what the hell shall I wear?”

Over the rainbow

Posted on by jomotherdearest

ed-breadYAY!!!!   I’M BACK

I am back in the game!   I mean back in the blog game after an 8 month drought. I don’t know why I leave it so long because enjoy putting my thoughts down and spreading a little love onto the web. It’s more like writing a diary and I love it.

So anyway, casting my mind back… it’s been a busy time and it’s going to take few blogs of the highlights to get you up to speed.

So lets start with the earliest and perhaps biggest event this year which was when my sister, niece and nephew moved in with us.   Before I expand I just have to share how overjoyed I was.   It has been one of the happiest times ever and I am lucky enough to have had a pretty happy life, not withstanding a few bumps in the road.

Anyway on to the story….. So with a bit of manoeuvring and constructing additional beds we were set!   We only have a run-of-the mill semi-detached house and the loft conversation was the key to accommodating everyone. But that was just logistics and my ma n pa love a project!!

Emotionally it was hard to see sis so stressed and pushed to her limits and to say that her leaving her previous relationship was easy would be wrong, there were obviously tricky times. However the freedom that came made me feel over the bloody moon!   To say we celebrated that weekend was an understatement and can perhaps be put into context by you visualising a quiet drink at the local rugby club ending in us walking home in the early hours wearing sombreros and Mexican style ponchos!   Celebrations then continuing at the obligatory after party in the kitchen ♯tequila

So a groove was found with the family, dinner for 10 was interesting and the washing machine was pushed to the max. However my sister has this unhealthy habit of actually enjoying ironing (I know weird right?) so the turnaround time on getting laundry back increased 10 fold but whether you got the right jeans/knickers/leggings etc was another story.

Domestics aside, it is a big step starting a new life and one which you enter into tentatively making big decisions on a new home and how your life will move forward. So when you are starting this new life over the rainbow what is the first thing would you do? *pause for effect

Well of course my Sis being my Sis, you go out a buy a new kitten obvs!!

Crackers I know!

We have the resident Killer Kat, Westie My Bestie, 2 Gangster* Pigs (*this is not a typo) and a Bunny but hey ho lets get a kitten in the mix. It sounds like was dead against such a ludicrous idea…. Nah of course not! I thought it was a fantastic idea!   I was so excited and boy oh boy did we all fall in love with the ginger ninja!   Ed Cat arrived and he is gorgeous!   Even the boy was smitten with him and there were snapchats a plenty of the little fluff ball. My Handsome literally had no choice and I have to say (don’t tell him I said this) but we could rock up with all sorts of pets and he would moan for a day and then love it like the rest of us. Oh that is of course as long there are not hairs all over everywhere. He doesn’t do animal hair, or human hair, or fluff or glitter but I digress.

Super Ed Bread was amongst us and all was well in our bulging, packed to the rafters happy home.   Bliss!!

And we all lived happily ever after.

Well not quite true, the nephew moved in with his girlfriend (sniff!  Another one of our babies growing up)  It was one of those moments when my first born always says “Mum, are you gonna cry?  You are, you are, you are gonna cry aren’t you?” and yes it was emotional.

And then Sis found happiness again with an amazing parter and a gorgeous place to live then left taking my niece and Ed Bread with her……  Just like that gone and yes I did cry! Empty nest syndrome or what!  How on earth was this 40 year old woman going to survive out there in the world without me?  How would my niece cope without her bestest Aunty Jo?
And Ed….. he thought I was his mum (don’t tell Sis!) taken away, toys bed the lot!!       *more tears

(sad song plays)

……..   Anyway I got over it (sniff).  I got used to the idea but actually spent every spare minute dropping in on her at the new place and ensured that we both had keys to each others houses so that there was never any more visiting.  No no they can all just come and go as they please like it’s their second home.  I returned to only cooking for the street instead of the whole town, I can never get the pasta portions right.  Twin II returned to her bedroom, the washing machine slowed and the ironing pile grew…..(actually that’s a lie cos Nanny McFaff is the angel of ironing).

A new balance was found.

On reflection though, my Handsome was a little too happy when Ed moved out.  Mainly because he kept crapping in the bath (Ed not Handsome)  but the favour was quickly repaid when Westie My Bestie did the same on Sisters shiny kitchen floor!

Life resumed as was, however there are still 4 beds on that top floor just incase I can talk anyone else into moving in!

Commitment Issues

Posted on by jomotherdearest

So it’s lent – I am in no way religious anymore but have always found lent a good measurement of time in which to test my willpower to give something up. So after a little chat and a eureka moment, I thought a good test would be to give up drinking coffee. I do enjoy my cuppa and it is a ritual for me especially in the morning to savour my weak, milky, one sweetener brew. So here we are let’s test myself – wake up the next morning and get a coffee brought to me in bed and wham – I drank it! Never gave it a second thought , ooops there goes that plan. So later in the day I think maybe I will give up chocolate but then this just dissipates in to a pathetic can’t even be bothered to try! Whatever is wrong with me? When did I become so disinterested in testing or pushing myself?

I appear to have developed a new mind set or is it just a realisation? I have, as the title suggests, commitment issues. I don’t mean in the strong deep love, I mean more in a day to day making plans, forward thinking kind of way. I have some routine but it’s tremendously loose, in fact almost nonexistent! I see social media status’s of people with their lives together – just done the gym, cooked and prepared meals for the week, walked the dog, washed, dried and ironed 3 loads of washing and just settling down to read a book on self development….phew!!   Jeeeez, I’m more of a just got home, fussed the dog, danced with the kids and what the hell are we gonna have for tea person!!

On occasion it makes me feel inferior to others who march through a week knowing what they are doing every Monday, Wednesday and Thursday.   What’s for tea, when the dog needs walking, when is the shopping done, who’s birthday is it? Like everyone has the life together, you know – got this life down and sorted.

I have had times where I think right lets plan out a menu for the week, a holiday, a weekend, a diet etc etc but I can’t remember when I have stuck to it. I have even pushed back against it and sabotaged myself – recently I paid in advance for several weeks at my slimming club, trying to fool myself that because I had paid hard earned cash then I wouldn’t miss it…..   wrong!   I just end up resenting the fact that I now HAVE to go!

So what’s the problem, maybe it’s the weather? Maybe it’s winter and dark nights? Perhaps it’s my high fat, high sugar, high carb diet? This is highly likely reading all of the motivational diet tips on my social media news feed.   I am dangerously close to joining 15fit or fit15 you know the lovely guy throwing food into a wok online and bursting with FIIT exercise videos. The results look amazing, totally inspiring as I sit frumping on the sofa spilling crumbs on my ipad reading about the amazing transformations. But here I am teetering, hesitating, faffing trying to make the decision to do it or not. Not wanting to commit!!

I need a spark something to light a fire under me to get going but I just don’t know where it’s going to come from. I am floating down stream belly to the sky humming the bear necessities… but as they say Summer Bodies are made in Winter!!   Come ON!!

All over for another year

Posted on by jomotherdearest

Happy

Ah well that’s that then. The anticipation, the preparation, the expectation, the participation followed by the recovery, the dismantling and the end.

I love Christmas. I mean I really LOVE Christmas, the kids excitement, the parents excitement, the giving, the receiving the twinkling lights, the tree, the songs, the family gatherings the copious amounts of alcohol. It’s just the best time for me, and reflecting on Christmas 2015 it may well be one of the most enjoyable. My handsome even thinks it was the best ever.

Don’t get me wrong it was not perfect. If you ask my first born there was a major oversight on Christmas day – to forget the stuffing was unforgivable and yes I take full responsibility despite being reminded prior to not forget this key ingredient. I have suffered for my sin and feel that this mistake has been learned from. Having said that there is every chance that the same thing could happen again next year. My memory, I ain’t gonna lie, is atrocious!!

Stuffing gate apart, there was no hassle. The meal was a dream, we even sat down to eat on time and the shock of all shocks in my house was that –

 

The Actual Christmas Pudding was Actually eaten on Actual Chrsitmas day!!

 

 

I Know!!

Normally I find it at the back of the cupboard around November the following year and bin it. But no, as it goes this was epic!!

Also,   STOP PRESS for once in a long time I managed to avoid any illness WINNER! Sadly the couldn’t be said for some both baby Bans with antibiotics and paracetamol going down a plenty.    *sad face

My anticipation and excitement had no anticlimax either – I get so excited on the build up and in a flash its over and then it seems to take forever to come around again (well a year to be exact!).  But it feels OK this time, I can cope with it (once I get over the loss of the tree, let’s not get started on “taking down the Christmas tree day” *sigh) no really I feel fine.

I feel ready for the year ahead.  We have no great plans for the year and are just going to take it as it comes. Normally I need something to look forward to, like the promise of a holiday abroad but this is not even on the horizon as yet.   What is going on?  Am I just well rested or is it a case of reaching “that age!” – see previous post!!  Are all of the planets aligned, are my hormones dormant, am I still tipsy?  Who knows but I like it A LOT! I shall ride this positivity for as long as I can.

Don’t get me wrong, the return to work part – it was a toughie getting up and dressed but let’s be honest the build up to this was not good.  The feeling of dread as you approach the weekend before starting back, then going to bed the night before  *gulp.   But once you are back and in the swing it’s not so bad. You are in the work saddle galloping towards the end of the day and bosh before you know it you are home again pondering what to cook for tea. The same groove is found, all good.  Plus the addition of a couple of New Year resolutions thrown in.  Just for the record  I have resolved to

1>    Stop swearing!

– A tall task as in recent years I have found it increasingly funny to swear, I mean really swear. And it has been hilarious, the kids find it funny too and I do like an audience but it’s just not appropriate really for a lady (that’s me).

2>  Be Kind

– My new mantra, is the old adage “if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing at all.” This too is a biggy and I feel maybe I would have had more chance sticking to giving up alcohol (*gasp) and chocolate but I am giving it a go. I may have a secret little moan now and then with the bestie but in general it is forbidden.

A resolution progress report will be given moving forward, have everything crossed for me ;o)

Anyways, back on the wheel of life and as it goes looking through these rose tinted glasses which I appear to have gained it’s all good.

So Happy New Year one and all lets enjoy 2016

Big Love

Jo

 

 

Oh btw I am permitted to spell out swear words (if required)

Picking Out The Peppers

Posted on by jomotherdearest

pepper face

Why oh why do people use peppers in everything? 

You think oh that’s a nice “Spicy Chickpea and Spinach” soup open it……grrrr peppers!   Fair doos when it says vegetable soup throw a pepper in it’s a broad description, I can accept that.  So during my 30 minute lunch I am picking out the peppers grudgingly thinking how wonderful life would be without peppers. 

Dwelling on the pepper faff…..    

But then a revelation, a sunny side, in moment of positivity I think about the leftover homemade veggie lasagne I had last night, the amazing curry out on Friday in fact all of the tonnes of food I eat without peppers in.  It’s easy to dwell on the negative.

At times I am guilty of becoming engulfed in negativity caused by the actions of someone or maybe a situation.  I’m really angry or upset or both!  The thought keeps springing to mind and I go through scenarios of how to deal with them or it.  How to throw the upset back at them?        

How to make them know I don’t care*

(*I always care). 

People say put it out of your mind, take no notice, let it go – Let it go!   Nods to Frozen, which I still haven’t seen….. maybe this Christmas!   

I digress…

But when you are in that moment of fury or hurt you just can’t let it go.  But eventually I do, sometimes a couple of hours, some times a couple of days maybe longer.  But you get over it.

That person or thing becomes less important or even insignificant.  Then you look back and think why did I hang onto those feelings for that long, what a waste of energy and emotion.

I suppose it’s human nature and it appears everyone is affected by it.  Although not everyone will admit it.

I read self help articles about mindfulness and how holding onto anger and frustration only affects you and to release your mind.  But I’m not sure how you practice that (….it says to practice). 

The good thing with me, and I consider it a superpower (yes I have a superpower, in fact I have more than one….but thats for another day)

I am pretty sure not everyone has this!!

It is that when time passes and I look back I don’t see the negative just the positive.  When people reflect on their life so far there can be gloomy moments but when I cast my mind back, for some reason only the good times come easily to mind.

I have to really stop to recall the negative or even have things pointed out to me.    My life has been far from perfect but I think it’s been golden.  There has been problems, upset and some right humdingers!!  But my brain has a some kind of a filing system which is able to bury these memories deep.  They are there but just not easily access-able, it’s bloody great!  I just wish I was able to do the same with short term events, but then I would just be annoyingly positive constantly and get on everyones wick!

What’s all that got to do with bloody peppers……  eh!

Yeah well, the thought process is, that there’s always going to be unexpected peppers in things prepared by other people, you can’t change that.  I can’t go through life only eating my own made food,

I’m too lazy for that!   

You can’t change how others will affect you but as long as the majority of food you scoff you make yourself  then life ain’t half bad…….. This is proper deep stuff this is!

Anyways the soup was great once I picked em out but it made a proper mess – maybe just try a different one next time and cut out the faff!!

a bear in my previous life

Posted on by jomotherdearest

So now my birthday cards have come down and with the final of The Great British Bake Off done and dusted – go Nadiya!  I guess we are on the Christmas countdown.  Strictly is well under way the nights are getting darker, my candles are lit each night, although we haven’t had a fire in log burner as yet.

Autumn is well and truly here and I think it’s my favourite season.  The changing colour of nature, jumpers, coats, snuggles and blankets.  But then winter ahhh winter is a true love – frosty mornings, the promise of snow, Christmas fun and the beginning of a new year, sparkly dresses, glitter nail polish.

What about Spring?  The joy,  the new life and growth, the lighter evenings,  feeling fresh and shaking off the weight of a winter wardrobe.  But summer in the mix,  balmy evenings in the garden, freshly cut grass, summer clothes, summer nails!, the sheer joy of a holiday, lush!   Is Autumn my fave?

Lets say I like a change in the seasons I love them all for very different reasons and can’t pick a favourite.

This year feels like it has been sooo busy for socialising!  I may exaggerate.  Weekend after weekend its like I have spent no time at home which has often been pointed out to me by Twin I and II.  So I have declared the month of November a NO GOING OUT MONTH, yes you heard right, not a night out in sight and the thought of it thrills me.  In fact October plans are pretty calm although there is a girlie overnighter in Manchester planned mid month (eeek! excited) should be eventful and blogworthy.

No plans for November – no plans… feels amazing.

Although there will be temptation thrown my way, probably from my bae-star.   I should introduce the bae-star, she’s Thelma to my Louise, my crochet Yoda.  A tiny ginger with the hugest heart (it’s probably a purple heart that beats inside her).   She’s my sister from an other mister and likes to plan party nights out and party nights in.  There ain’t no party like a bae-star party.
Will I resist?  Can I say no? this is the question, I feel resolute but the force is strong!   Obviously crochet nights and a couple in the BoatNorses don’t count as going out so I shan’t be reclusive.

Whilst revelling in my joy of slobbing out I mentioned my plans, or lack of them, in the workplace where it was pointed out to me that I say this every year.  Apparently every year I proclaim that I need to stay home to snuggle down in my nest, to hibernate from the social world.  I want to turn on my twinkly lights and wear wooly socks in front of a raging fire sipping Baileys and eating comfort food.  My friend says all of a sudden my social media photos change and turn to soft lighting and a warm glow.  Oooh just thinking about it makes me happy.  It’s the whole experience setting the room up for nestling down, like a furry creature wrapped in my pjs and dressing gown, circling the piles of scatter cushions trampling my spot to curl up on.

It’s heaven in a living room my natural habitat and  I have learned that there is a word for this, a Danish word ‘hygge’ (pronounced ‘hooga’) which translates roughly to ‘cosiness’.  You have to google it, it’s me, it’s my ultimate feel good environment.

So maybe Autumn/Winter are my favourites, now where is that pack of tea lights…….

cosy

Blogging at my age?

Posted on by jomotherdearest

Blogging? –at my age?

So at 47 I have gone through a few ups and downs but have reached a time of contentment. Don’t get me wrong, things are not perfect, things are never perfect. There is always something I’m sure, however sometimes you don’t see the imperfections and that’s when life is good. Or is that just because it was my birthday yesterday and I had a great time with my family and amazing friends or maybe it is the mountain of presents I received… So spoilt and so so grateful. It’s just going to put you in the best mood isn’t it?

Nothing can rain on this parade for the next few days anyway. But 47 ! 47 used to be rate old, but now I am 47 does that make me rate old? I don’t think so however there are certain signs appearing –

I have come to the conclusion that I have reached “that age”, I can remember my mum being “that age” and one of my older friends too *shout out to my oldest old friend (you know who you are!). I never thought it would happen to me though, because “I’m not like other mom’s I’m a cool mom” (* nod to kids) right? Wrong.   So when did the rot set in?

The Early Signs

Well it’s when the kids, especially twin I and II insist they have told me some really important news or information that is vital and I look at them and I nod and maybe speak and it must be convincing because they think I have it.  I have taken on board this important stuff and I shall act upon it. Sadly, though my reaction instills confidence, I’m faking. Not deliberately, not acting or being rude just white noise “in one ear and out of the other” kinda thing.  I mean it is not restricted to the twinners, the big girls get the same treatment their information is less relevant as they are more independent, well they have their own cars anyway.  And the lad, well the lad only interacts when something immediate is required, perhaps a quick lift to the back of beyond which is a 40 minute round trip.  Or the urgent need of an item of clothing to be washed, dried and ironed in record breaking time with no dryer or sunshine.

The Established Realisation

But then “that age” is magnified and practically flashing before my eyes when I take to our family holiday.  The farewell trip overseas.  I say farewell because there is a hope that at 19 the big girls will have far too many opportunities in the future to want to come abroad with us and the lad well he is talking Ibiza and Vegas and you’re not gonna want your dad, step mum and step sisters (*unofficially step but we have put the years in) tagging along to your Pasha experience do you?  Although as previously mentioned I am a “cool mom”.   So anyway I digress, I’m there on holiday, slightly (*very) overweight in my Debenhams bikinis , no one’s looking at me (we will come back to that) and beach wear enjoying family holiday time sun, sea, swimming pool and the other S’s.  We even bought along the MiL (mother in law), don’t recoil at the thought, The MiL is also a cool mom.  She’s a legend, is always up for a laugh and can party like it’s 1999, oh and did I mention she looks amazing (big up to Nanny!).

So yeah we are all there the eight of us, in the best possible place on earth Cyprus, and we are having THE best time, we are all meant for warmer climes and the relaxed life. Until the night I am pleasantly enjoying my own company in Jo world, you know that little bubble of chilled happiness you drift in to while everyone is talking around you? Maybe at the dinner table or in a bar, on a beach but you know everyone is involved but you just took 5 in your own world. Until the bliss is shattered with the one word, sure to get your attention – “Mother!” Snap back in the room, yes? *nods looking interested

“are you even listening?”

“Im sure you’re deaf!”

“you do it all the time!”

*shots fired the flood gates open and a barrage of comments fly at me.

I didn’t think I was deaf, I didn’t think I ignored the kids but hold on a minute! Am I ?